This Letter.

My fulifilled and also unfulifilled LOVE,

My Enemy and my Friend, my Lover.

My Everything that You were, that You are and that You will be.

And all that You will NEVER ever be for me...

 ~♥~

Do you see how poetically I'm talking about You ? Like never before. 

Always slanders, always teasing, always profane. And it was for what ? 

Today I want to write You a letter. The letter that will never be read by You, because You're not worth it are You ?

Worth an ounce of words that will flow here. Why I am tempted to, what tempts me to break the resistance, however, before transferring to what I feel?

Maybe for you to understand how much You did hurt me.... and how much I hurted you too. 

We both have wounded one another. 

 I do not know if You are aware of what I feel at this time. Are You aware of how much my heart breaks and tears overflowing the eyes involuntarily ?

Do You know that you are the reason for my today insomnia? 

Tomorrow is another day and this thing will look the other way for sure. My words here are childish and pitifull and your behavior is not deserving of mine comment. 

But this moment, my present is governed by different rights.  In my body smolders too much emotion, too much anger.

Today I saw how babyish You are and how wrong I was about my own person.

Don't you agree that I am also such a... like You - infantile, childish, immature ? If I deny my own feelings, I do everything out of spite, I can't face the truth, I can't say directly what I really want to say.
What I really feel deep inside.

I'm not stupid, my love, I see certain things.
 I see the way You look at me, the way You lay your hand on my body. I hear like You weave the memories of me into every word, . 

Why are You so one day, and the other turns into a monster? The monster, who was able to hit me? Why did this to me? Was it worth it?

See the madness that envelops You every time when You're next to me. View fantasies which fill our thoughts, see the chemistry that is more than enough.

Why do not You admit it? Why I do not want to admit it? Why am I looking for someone else. Why I'm with someone else.

Why do I feel so much pain when I learn that You are doing the same.

~The worst acts we are shamed only in front of our lovers. ~

And why You can't say me about it ?

To You, I've become cold and indifferent. You know why? Because I'm afraid. I'm closed. I prefer to run away, leave it as is than to change.

Too much already in my life went wrong, too much has changed. I want to be hard. The best. Sick ambition.

I hate You as much as I love. Did I say .. I love You? No, it is not possible.

You know, I heard once that if You do not know what to do, what decisions to take, we should flip a coin. You know why? Because at the time of ejection in the air, brings us to the idea

which side we want more to fall, it is unconscious, but this is a hint of our hearts and we know what to do.
 I just did it.

 Life without You or life with You? ~ I hate everything about You.

Your character annoys me, your style, your manner of speech as well.

You know, the things that annoy us in others are often a reflection of our own faults and  what we do not like in ourselves?

Tell me how You can just write to me in such a way. How can You ask for the impossible.

Tell me how also I can be agree.

Why do I care, If I am in a relationship with someone else? Why do I write to You and not to him.

Why do I see You in front of my eyes. Why YOU! Why.

Please love me ... - I am pitiful, Love Me I'm yelling it to You, a scream in silence.

I want to drown the sorrow in drink now, but pride would not allow me to do this.
PRIDE. yes, she always stopped me. INDEPENDENCE also. HONOR! completely. 

Now I have nothing. In this letter I'm losing it all. Everything I had. For the love that his fulfillment and failure has received.

Your friend.

My favorite quote : 

Hugs for every you
XXX
Paulina

Shake, shake, shake your empathy.

Welcome back,

The last days I spent with my friends.
Lots of positive energy gave me an evening shopping trip with my very good girlfriend, in the end we could calmly talk and catch an outlet bargains.

But I also realized how much I do not understand myself and my feelings. Why is it so easy to know how to turn off the empathy for the closest persons?
Why I hurt them so much with my words. My pride and my honor are the prices to pay to be happy and loved by the others. 
When am I gonna learn ? 
For people I don't know, I'm full of kindness. So why the anger and hatred speak trough me for the people who are my whole world?
The answer I will know when  I get to know myself. 

Tomorrow is another day, I hope that thought will be less chaotic, mood will be more positive, and the new action does not run out of energy.

At the end I want show you my next fashion set from http://pauline-marie.polyvore.com/
It's called Summertime. What do you think about it ? I hope you enjoy my work ! :)

Have a wonderful night/day wherever you are guys, you're amazing and I love you so much.

P.S I have for you some preview of my next post. I'm a REALLY BIG FAN of this band.
So here comes your lullaby, you're really own lullaby...  ♥

                                                          ------->  Music that I love   <-------

With love,

Paulina

XXX

Magic Wand is like an Evil

The day was sultry, the sun was going through the sky covered with thick clouds. I was lying on a swing, looking straight ahead. Monotonous preoccupation has brought me quite a pleasure.

Cut off from everyday life, reality.

The headphones helped me accomplish this act, they were howling me down from the surroundings.
In my ears sounded wonderful Lana Del Rey.

...Oh, my God, I feel it in the air 
Telephone wires above all sizzlin' like your stare 

Honey I'm on fire I feel it everywhere 
Nothing scares me anymore ...

In the evening, when the entire sky of Warsaw took on depth and darkness, I went for a walk. It was still stuffy and hot, but the delicate rain was falling gently on my skin. I felt like I was alone, as I could walk forever.
And the rain, like a magic wand cleanse me from all that is evil. This moment didn't take a while, but it was full of magic. 

Vogue, 1958

With love,
XXXPaulina 

Have you eaten something? - No, not since 1973

Hey you !

I haven't been there for some time. I've just come back from my holidays. It was really great ! Although I did not have time to relax and "do nothing", I can not complain. Such intense spending time really suits me. I will show you some my vacation's photos in subsequent posts. I decided that I will repair a little bit my form and figure, and for about a week there will be the first pictures of my own stylizations. 

During the holidays we have some time to do things that we did not have time before.

For example, I finally have time to track all the fashion news and music world. I'm really fascinated in making collages, which I will present to you tomorrow. And what about you? What are you doing ? 

Ellie Goulding - Lights 

So If we're talking about music, I must share some of it with you. This song perfectly captures the atmosphere of summer evenings. Listening to her I can imagine myself sitting in a beautiful red cabriolet (convertible), with hair flowing in the wind. Don't you agree ? 

And for finish this post I have the first very very little part of my photos, they are totally weird, random and do not represent anything meaningful. But life is not structured and logical, right? haha :)

Have a wonderful day, Love ya all guys <3 !

XXX

Back in town

    Sorry for so many days of absence, but a lot has happened in my private life and I could not write anything to you.
As I wrote on Twitter, life is like a roller-coaster, up and down all the time, twists, danger but also the joy and euphoria. Surprise.

    But it is a roller-coaster, which has no end. It is unpredictable. That's why is so easy to be dissapointed.
I learned two contradictory things about friendship. The friendship between two women can make more pain than female-male friendship. And always, in spite of the great trust, anyone can deceive you. I was witness to and participant in a few scenes that gave me food for thought. We really get to know friends when we're in need. You can find the true soul mates in the age of 50 and as well of 10, but it's up to you how it will look like. Remember that giving too much freedom to others, lose their lives out of control... lose YOUR life out of control. Yes, you're own life !

Because when they're having too much freedom, they feel like they are impelled to manage our affairs. They have no right to it. It's like more spoil than cure. No one understands you as well as yourself. Remember that. Only you bet the boundaries that you think that you will not beat. But the first step begins in your head. Only there.

If you want to be happy, be.   –  Leo Tolstoy

Love is Hot As Ice

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.

      ... said William Shakespeare. And he was totally right. 

         Many people will not ever feel full of love, because they stop in these sighs.
We are afraid to cross the border. Why? But look, all signs indicate that the person has a feeling for you too! Perhaps because the times in which we live so much has changed.

Era of loners, the liberated people.

People who pretend to be someone who they're not.

Now, a kiss does not have the slightest value. It used to be a step wich confirming the desire to create
 a relationship.

For me, the kiss is the most beautiful form of love. More sensual and intimate than any other caress.

Two people in a few moments are combined together. They are one.

So I regret that such a beautiful thing, becomes more and more ... daily and ordinary.

I'm not a prude person and unfortunately me too, I live alone without undue romanticism,
 but sometimes it takes me such a reflection that more and more love is devoid of love.

Little gestures make love, so love is hard to find.

Often unconsciously we repelled her, even if she could  give us so much happiness and fulfillment.
We do not notice love because we want at once great deeds, great events. And because of that, We miss the most beautiful things, though the smallest.

Let's talk about feelings. Marilyn Monroe

Hi there,
It's never easy to talk about our feelings. For me too. But I decided to change it after a little conversation with my.... close friend. He told me that I'm without feelings, that I am not able to show my real emotions. It really touched me, given the fact that it was a person I cared about. I was angry at myself that I can't show what I feel deep inside.

.

Others believe that they know us better than we do. And who can know what really is in our head? For whom our hearts are beating ? I didn't want to show my feelings, because I was scared of failure. I preferred do nothing than show my real face. And that was a big mistake. 

We are afraid to suffer, we are afraid to to engage, because we are afraid of lost.
We are terrified, but.. we want only to be loved. But for this, we have to be more open to other people.
Don't regret what you have already done. Regret what you didn't do but you wanted.

This Marilyn Monroe's quote explains perfectly what I think about this situation which has happened recently.

<< I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent >>
xxx